No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
