i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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