i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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