We're like a lot better than the average bears
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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