Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
