went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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