dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
