Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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