here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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