Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
