Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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