Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Success! We fucked roommates!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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