hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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