I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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