sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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