So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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