My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
