would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
