It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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