I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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