Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize