I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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