Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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