yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
