And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!