Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.