I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".