suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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