Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
