I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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