Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
