so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
