If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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