When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize