her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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