DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
