Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize