did you get engaged???
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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