I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
