didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Still dying that you shit outside
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
