I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
