I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
