I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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