I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
