McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
