my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
