somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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