You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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