Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
