Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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