I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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