omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
