That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When are your genitals available?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
