idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
