I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
