North Korea, Best Korea!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
