Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think my moral compass just broke
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize