Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
