we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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