i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
