i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
