Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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