omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
