There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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