Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
