Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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