You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
