I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
