If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This baby is an asshole
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
