im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
