i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
