Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
