Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
