Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
