The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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