If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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