I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
