I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
