i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
