That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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