8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
