I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
